a prayer for the dying

epilogue

The snow caught in her eyelashes and slipped down the slopes of her cheeks, a feather-soft brush of nature chilling her skin and painting the world white. Cameron watched it collect on tree limbs already bowed to the point of breaking, breathing in air that was cleaner than she’d ever known. She could see why Sarah had wanted to come here. It was startlingly quiet. Beautiful.

Peaceful.

Judgment Day seemed like a bad dream. Perhaps now it was.

Cameron dropped her gaze, recent memories drifting to the surface and leaving her raw. Her hair was damp as it whipped around her face, and the bitter cold was biting on her skin, but she didn’t turn back for the comfort of the cabin. She’d put off this task for weeks already, but today she felt compelled to complete it. Cameron had left Savannah to keep watch, kissing the child on the head before beginning her journey.

Mentally girding herself, she shifted the metal urn in her hands and continued her trek through the woods. The foot of snow at her feet didn’t slow her down, and she was making good time to the top of the summit. The sun had only been up an hour or so, peeking in and out behind the clouds lazily dropping white on the world. Cameron felt the warmth of the rays hit her chilled features as she gazed out over the mountain range below.

Her gaze returned to study the urn in her hands, feeling a strange reluctance to do what she’d come to do. She’d chosen this mountain for a reason, wanting to be as close to any god that might actually exist. The summit towered over the others, giving her a breathtaking view.

Sarah would have loved it.

Feeling the absence of the other woman keenly, Cameron let her thoughts drift to John instead. His whole life, Sarah had been preparing him to go it alone, but when the moment finally came, John hadn’t been ready. His deep, gut-wrenching sobs still haunted Cameron when she paced the cabin at night. The memory of him laying down next to his mother, too broken to leave her, was one Cameron knew she would never shake.

The sun ducked behind a cloud, and Cameron glanced skyward. Weather reports suggested a storm was coming by the day’s end. The thought of being snowed in, cocooned away from the rest of the world, had a strange appeal.

Continuing to plow a path up the mountain, her thoughts drifted back to John. Cameron wanted to believe the threat of Skynet was gone forever, but she was too realistic for that. They both were. If he was lucky, John might find a few years of peace before his next battle, but Cameron knew he’d be using every one of those days to prepare for it. Danny had decided to help, and Terissa had taken over the role of mother hen to both. The arrangement had worked, and Cameron had felt better about leaving him behind, about doing what she’d promised Sarah she would do. Sabine had urged her to go as well, and Cameron had felt compelled to hug her. They’d said nothing. They didn’t need to.

John had held her close when they’d parted, whispering his thanks and well wishes in her ear. When they’d stepped back, Cameron had believed him, and she’d felt pride in this version of John Connor for the first time. He’d become the man she’d known, and it had been good to see him again.

Leaving him there with Weaver still an unknown had been hard, but John had suspected they’d seen the last of the liquid metal terminator. Cameron hoped for all their sakes that he was right.

She paused, gauging how far she’d come and how far she had to go. She’d only left the cabin once since their arrival for supplies, unable to bear being away for long. The summit was another half hour at her current pace, and Cameron decided she’d come too far to turn back now.

When she finally reached the pinnacle, Cameron simply stood there, appreciating the sight, a sight Sarah had wanted to share with her. It was a view that had fueled Sarah’s kinder dreams. Cameron closed her eyes, remembering their whispered plans to each other in the dark. Her knees seemed to weaken, and she slumped to the snow, too unsteady to remain on her feet.

The damp chill seeped through her jeans, and Cameron could almost hear Sarah’s voice scolding her. When her brown eyes gazed on the mountaintops before her once more, they had tears in them. It truly was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen, but not even the majesty of the mountains could compete with Sarah’s smile.

She ached to see that smile again.

Cameron looked down at the urn in her hands. A tear splashed on the surface of the metal as the wind howled around her, beckoning her to let the soul inside rest in peace. She’d kept it from its final journey for too long.

“I’m sorry,” Cameron felt the need to say. “You died for me...” Anything else she wanted to say caught in her throat. They had beaten this version of Skynet... stopped the people who would have given it life... but their victory had come at too high of a price.

“Thank you,” she finally whispered. “For everything.” Tipping the urn forward, Cameron watched the wind catch the ashes, swirling them down toward the snow-covered pines below. It felt strange to recite a prayer, but Cameron did, hoping that God would hear from a child with no soul.

She sat there on her knees for another hour, until she felt numb, but she was satisfied with her choice. This place, this spot, was a fitting resting place for a warrior whose fight was finally done.

****

The cabin was quiet when she returned mid-afternoon. Cameron shed her coat and boots and took a moment to stand by the fire, feeling it warm her icy skin. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, smelling cedar and the pinesap that clung to her clothes. There wasn’t an inch of her that wasn’t cold and wet, and for the first time since her arrival, she almost missed the heat of Los Angeles.

The sound of a page turning made her look over her shoulder, and Cameron held her breath, waiting to hear the sign of life again.

A pen scratching on paper followed, and Cameron’s thoughts settled for the first time that day. After a morning filled with reminders of what she had lost, a reminder of what she hadn’t was exactly what she needed. It was such a simple noise, but it cut through the physical and emotional cold that had wrapped around her for most of the day. The sound warmed her unexpectedly and saved her from her darker thoughts.

Zeroing in on the sound with laser-like focus, Cameron pivoted and headed for her room. She peered in on Savannah along the way, noting the child was down for her afternoon nap. With a nod, Cameron gently closed her door before resuming her path.

Pausing in the doorway, she simply stared. The sun was peeking out once again, filtering through the windows and bathing the room’s sole inhabitant in soft, even light. Behind her, outside the windows, the world was white, and Cameron felt her breath catch, awestruck by beauty for the second time that day.

Sarah must have heard her because her head lifted and a small, sleepy smile formed on her lips as their eyes met. “Hey,” she greeted softly, leaning back in her chair and setting the pen she’d been using down. “Was starting to wonder if you’d left us here to fend for ourselves.”

“Never.” The corners of Cameron’s mouth lifted in a slight smile as she came closer. Sarah appeared comfortably disheveled in her red t-shirt and gray sweatpants, a look Cameron had always found enticing. “You should be resting.”

“I’ve done enough resting.” Sarah ran a hand through her tousled hair before glancing up at Cameron as her lover stopped a few inches away. “Besides, I’m not going to be running any marathons any time soon.” She jerked her chin at the foot that was propped up on a neighboring chair.

Cameron reached out, her fingers ghosting over the surface of the cast. She ordered her mind not to go back to Kaliba, to not think of those horrifying moments where Sarah’s heart had stopped. Kneeling in the rubble beside her lover’s body, Cameron had frantically worked to get it started again. Sarah’s eyes had been vacant, her soul absent, and Cameron had felt herself beginning to shatter into a million pieces as the truth of Sarah’s death began to penetrate the thick cloud of denial.

They had all tried to stop her as she’d worked to restart Sarah’s heart. Even John had finally wrapped himself around her, pleading with her through his tears to let his mother rest, but Cameron hadn’t been able to stop herself. If she stopped they were over, and she refused to believe they had come this far... overcome so much... for what was between them to end like this. Even through Sarah’s leg had been crushed, even though she had broken ribs and internal injuries, Cameron didn’t stop, she didn’t let go. It had taken almost twenty minutes, but then Sarah’s heart had suddenly kicked against the palm of Cameron’s hand. She would never know if the nanites had repaired enough damage to bring Sarah back, or if her lover had simply answered Cameron’s pleas to stay. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Sarah was before her now, alive and whole.

“Cameron?” Sarah’s voice was hesitant and questioning, sensing the cyborg’s thoughts had drifted to somewhere unpleasant.

“You’ll have this on for a far shorter time than most,” Cameron reminded them both after an uncertain moment. Her fingertips drifted over the surface of the cast once more. Sarah’s leg was the only part of her that hadn’t completely healed. “Your nanites should be finished repairing themselves and will focus completely on your injuries.”

“Pretty sure they’re doing that now. The damn thing itches like a mother.”

Sarah’s green eyes were vibrant, her soul seeming to burn in their depths when Cameron met her gaze once more. She felt the tug toward the other woman that she always had, the strange gravitational pull Sarah seemed to have on her mind and body. She stepped closer, her hand drifting down Sarah’s cast to rest on her thigh, warm and strong beneath her fingers.

They were quiet a moment.

“Did you do it?” Sarah asked, studying Cameron’s hand where it rested intimately on her leg before lifting her gaze to meet the cyborg’s eyes.

Cameron nodded. “I went up to the summit.”

“You didn’t have to go that far, Tin Miss.”

Hesitating for only a moment, Cameron slowly sat on the edge of the bed. “I did. I owed him.”

“By walking to the top of the mountain?”

“By getting him as close to his god as I could.” Cameron looked at Sarah when she heard her swallow. “I know he lied. I know he hunted you. But James Ellison was a good man.”

“He was.” Sarah swallowed again, feeling her chest ache. “He lied and hunted me because he was a good man, Cameron.”

“I know.”

“I wish I could have been there.” Sarah fiddled with her pen since she couldn’t pace. “He deserved that.”

“I’ll take you there as soon as you’re well.”

They stared at each other again, and Sarah was certain she’d never seen Cameron look more fragile. She had been hovering ever since Sarah had opened her eyes in the van ride back from the bunker. Nothing she’d been able to say or do since that moment seemed to have any effect against the lost look in her lover’s eyes.

“It could have been your ashes I released up there. It almost was.”

Sarah went still, feeling a pang at the undeniable anguish in Cameron’s voice. Carefully she swung her leg off the chair and stood, minding her healing leg as she shuffled over next to Cameron and sat. She didn’t want to think about how Cameron had brought her back. With the injuries she’d sustained, Sarah knew she should have stayed dead. In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but wonder if the nanites in her blood would ever truly let her go, and the thought chilled her. Sighing, she reached out and found Cameron’s hand with her own. Her lover’s fingers felt like ice. “It wasn’t. I’m still here.”

They sat like that for several silent minutes, listening to the wind howl outside and the fire crack in the other room. They both felt damaged and scarred by what had happened in that bunker in the desert, but for the first time in weeks, Cameron began to suspect they would heal from it.

Her gaze was drawn to the abandoned pad of paper Sarah had left on the table. Cameron leaned forward to retrieve it, curious over what her lover was writing.

“Leave it.” Sarah cleared her throat. “I got bored.”

Tilting her head, Cameron didn’t look convinced. “Were you writing a letter to John?”

“Not exactly.” Sarah sighed. “I just... I don’t know. I felt like I should write everything down.”

Sensing that Sarah was granting her permission, Cameron slid the pad closer, staring down at the words. Before she realized what she was doing, Cameron began to read them aloud.

“There are those who believe that a child in the womb shares his mother’s dreams. Her love for him. Her hopes for his future. Is it told to him in pictures while he sleeps inside her? Is that why he reaches for her in that first moment and cries for her touch? But what if you had known since he was inside you what his life held for him? That he would be hunted? That his fate was tied to the fate of millions? That every moment of your life would be spent keeping him alive? Would he understand why you were so hard? Why you held on so tight? Would he still reach for you if the only dream you’d ever shared with him was a nightmare?” Cameron paused when she’d finished, her stricken gaze lifting to fix on Sarah.

Sarah swallowed, affected by hearing what she’d written given a voice. “I almost died. I did die,” she corrected, forcing herself to ignore Cameron’s flinch. “There is so much I never shared with him... about his past... his future. Seems like I owe John this... this... chronicle of everything.” She looked up at Cameron, studying her profile as Cameron’s gaze drifted back down to her handwriting. “Stupid, huh?”

Cameron shook her head and Sarah blinked, realizing that tears were tracking down Cameron’s cheeks.

“Hey,” Sarah whispered, reaching for her.

“I know these words.” Cameron stared at the page, her thumb ghosting over the familiar lines of Sarah’s handwriting. “I’ve read them before. John gave me a journal that you’d kept. It was almost two inches thick.”

They stared at each other, both trying to grasp what that meant.

“So that means we didn’t stop it. Your future is still playing out...”

“No.” Cameron was insistent. “It means you love him as much in this time as you did in mine.”

“It’s the same words, Cameron.”

“You wrote these words years ago... in the hospital on your deathbed. It was your way of making him understand. Your way of leaving a part of yourself with him.”

Sarah took that in, unnerved at the thought.

“This is different. You aren’t dying. John is in a better place now. He doesn’t need this.” Cameron set the pad of paper back on the table. “But you should still write it. The world should hear your side some day.”

Snorting, Sarah shook her head. “Why would...?”

“Because your story should be told. People should know... understand...” Cameron reached out, needing to feel the warmth of Sarah’s skin after being in the cold for so long. Her fingers trailed down her lover’s jaw before resting on Sarah’s pulse point. The feel of a steady heartbeat beneath the surface gave Cameron comfort. “Whether it’s a future with or without Skynet, your voice deserves to be heard. Sarah Connor deserves to be heard.”

“Cameron...” Sarah whispered only to have the rest of her words consumed by Cameron’s mouth on hers. The kiss was gentle, hesitant, but it had been far too long since they’d been intimate, and Sarah kissed her back, hard. She was determined to erase the memory of their last kiss when she’d thought they were saying goodbye, and making love to Cameron was the one thing she hadn’t tried to ease her lover’s troubled mind.

A few intense minutes later, Cameron pulled back, fear in her dark eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Sarah gave her a knowing smile. “Those damn little robot bugs would just fix it,” she promised before kissing her again. “And you would never hurt me,” she purred against Cameron’s mouth.

Cameron warred with herself, confused about the course of action to follow, but when Sarah’s mouth teased down the column of her throat her need to be close outweighed her need to be cautious.

Sarah’s hands felt hot as they eased beneath Cameron’s shirt, her fingers splaying across the cyborg’s stomach and back. “We should really get you out of these damp clothes,” Sarah murmured playfully before her blunt nails teasingly trailed over firm flesh.

The cool cabin air hit her skin as her shirt was peeled away. Cameron watched, mesmerized, as Sarah’s fingers undid the button on her jeans before one hand slid past the denim and slipped beneath her underwear to the curve of her hip.

Easing Cameron back on the bed, Sarah hovered over her. Cameron made a mental note of Sarah’s cast and approximately what angles and weight it could withstand. The last thing she wanted was to keep Sarah in the cast any longer than originally intended – for both their sakes.

“Stop thinking so hard,” Sarah said, recognizing the little wrinkle that formed on Cameron’s brow when she was trying to figure something out.

Caught, Cameron decided to ignore the jibe and instead slid her own hands over Sarah’s hips and up her waist. The t-shirt she was wearing was thin and it gave way easily as Cameron’s hands climbed to Sarah’s breasts.

“Maybe I liked that shirt, Tin Miss.” Sarah’s voice was decidedly ragged now.

“I’ll make it up to you.” Cameron arched up, replacing her hands with her mouth. A tiny sound caught in the back of Sarah’s throat as her head fell back and she arched into Cameron’s mouth. Taking advantage, Cameron placed her palms in the middle of Sarah’s back, pulling her in closer as her tongue went to work.

Fingers tangled in dark, wet hair as Sarah held her there. Closing her eyes, she savored the arousal pulsing through her. Another groan of pleasure passed her lips as Cameron switched breasts, and Sarah tried to remind herself to be quiet with Savannah just down the hall.

Cameron’s lips started to trail downward, but Sarah managed to maneuver on top of the other woman, ignoring the twinge in her healing leg. “Not so fast,” she breathed.

The rest of their clothing was shed as they explored each other, rediscovering intimately familiar territory. Cameron felt all of her senses tuning into Sarah, and after a brief hesitation, she let them. There was no threat to distract part of her awareness, no need to keep the other woman safe. For the first time, it was just the two of them and what they felt for one another, and Cameron wanted to experience all of it on every sensory level.

When Sarah finally stopped teasing, Cameron gasped into her mouth, startled by how sharp the pleasure was. She’d never felt it so fully before, never felt so consumed by it.

Sarah sensed something was different this time, and she pressed her body closer, whispering everything she felt for the other woman against Cameron’s neck as she eased herself as far inside her lover as she could go. Her own desire rose as Cameron moved against her, more eager and hungry for release than Sarah had ever seen her.

With the snow intensifying outside their window, hiding them away from the rest of the world, Sarah felt Cameron come undone. She swallowed her lover’s cry, feeling Cameron shudder against her. It was all she needed to follow, arching against Cameron’s heat and burying her face in the crook of her neck.

They lay like that for a while, bodies tangled as their breathing slowed and evened out.

Reluctantly, Sarah rolled off her, limbs trembling, but she stayed close, wrapping an arm around Cameron’s waist. Something had been very different between them this time, but she wasn’t about to question what it was, too sated and content to analyze it. She only knew that she felt settled and whole again and that was all that mattered.

Cameron stared at the ceiling, feeling like her senses had been overloaded. Sarah let her process what had just happened, her fingers drawing soothing circles over Cameron’s stomach. When minutes passed and Sarah’s hand began a slow, teasing trek up her torso, the cyborg finally turned her head and met the green of Sarah’s eyes.

“You okay, Tin Miss?”

“I love you,” Cameron blurted, startled by how badly she needed to say the words.

Sarah smiled. “It was that good, huh?” She chuckled at Cameron’s puzzled expression before leaning up and kissing her lover. “I love you, too.”

Compelled, Cameron rolled over, carefully putting her head on Sarah’s chest. She felt her lover’s arms drape across her shoulders, and Cameron took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Sarah’s skin. After a moment, she detected the familiar beat of Sarah’s heart, thumping loud and strong beneath her ear.

The sound soothed something ragged inside her, and Cameron turned her head to kiss the surface beneath her lips. Laying her hand over Sarah’s chest, she lifted her head and met Sarah’s knowing gaze.

Sarah remembered the peaceful darkness of death. Cameron had dragged her back to a world full of unspeakable pain, her internal injuries and mangled leg making coherent thought impossible. She’d been upset at the lengths Cameron had gone to save her, until Terissa wisely pointed out how far Sarah had gone to save Cameron.

They were too wrapped up in each other now, too dependent. One could no longer exist without the other. Sarah knew that should bother her, but it didn’t. It was hard to give a damn about needing someone so much when that person was the only one who made her feel whole. The only one who ever had.

Cameron searched her face, lifting one hand to let it drift through Sarah’s hair. “I wish we could stay here forever.”

Features faltering slightly, Sarah couldn’t hold Cameron’s gaze. “Me too. Although I think Savannah would probably get bored. There are only so many snowmen a girl can make.”

The attempt at humor didn’t fool Cameron in the least. She waited the other woman out, knowing Sarah would only say what was on her mind when she was ready.

“I don’t want to go back.”

Cameron remained quiet, sensing there was more.

“But sooner or later... we’ll have to.” Sarah’s throat rippled as she swallowed. She felt Cameron’s arm flex and she was drawn closer, rolling toward her lover’s body and welcoming the comfort of the skin on skin contact. “It’s not over, Tin Miss,” Sarah admitted quietly against Cameron’s shoulder.

Cameron was quiet as she weighed her response. For a moment in the desert, she had believed they were over, that she had lost everything. Having Sarah back with her now made almost any obstacle seem small in comparison. “It’s over for now.” She met Sarah’s gaze squarely when her lover lifted her head and looked at her. “It’s over for now,” she repeated with conviction, determined to believe it and enjoy it. They had earned this, however long it lasted. “And now is all we have.”

The corner of Sarah’s mouth twitched, but she didn’t fully smile. “No fate but what we make?”

“No fate but what we make,” Cameron agreed before she kissed her again, silencing their thoughts and fears about an uncertain future for the present they’d risked everything for.

They’d take their peace where they could find it, and when the time came once more, they’d fight like hell to keep it.

the end

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